Day Three

My Mood: connected, sensual, tough, hot

My Look: Tough Bitch in Red Lipstick

My Outfit:

• Plain white extra soft and comfortable t-shirt
• My favourite cuffed denim jeans (are there any other kind?) that have been patched one-million times
• Sailboat necklace I acquired in Halifax
• Red converse sneakers
• Sailor themed head scarf
• and of course...red lipstick
  

How do I feel in this:
Kind of like I'm wearing a costume but also comfortable and sassy. I'm a little uncomfortable about my body (my stomach in particular) in this white t-shirt but I've vowed to embrace the way my body looks and feels and I have consciously decided not to 'suck it in'. I also gave myself a hug today and am embracing my feminine curves as part of what it means for me to claim femme.

Some queer-ish, femme-ish, things I did today:

• expressed my feelings without holding back (read on for what that looks like...)
• stared back when the entire bus was looking at me
• got lipstick all over the cheeks of the little baby I nanny (so adorable!)
• loved my body, loved my belly, loved being a woman
  

Some queer-ish, femme-ish discoveries:

• I'm proud of myself for doing this despite my anxiety about other people's opinions
• I feel so much more myself since starting this
• I really love wearing red lipstick everyday 
• I need to carry around  notebook because I am bombarded with thoughts of this project all. day. long. (but i love it!)

Day Three Thoughts:

Red Lipstick


Today I've been thinking a lot about red lipstick, mostly because I've been wearing it for three days now, but also because I think red lipstick is classically connected to femme. Not that femme doesn't exist or can't exist without it or without other visual elements but there is something about red lipstick that defines the essence of femme for me. Back in Rosie's time when lipstick was pretty much the standard for women I don't think it had the same punch as it does today. To wear red lipstick in public is a subversive act for me. It subverts traditional femininity in that it screams, "I am a sexual, sensual, woman. I am red-hot full-bodied passion. I am bold. I am 'too much' for you to handle" and this is written in red on my mouth for the world to see. But good girls don't expose their sexuality and they especially don't enjoy it. Good thing I'm not a good girl. Good thing I'm a femme.

I don't normally enter the world of poetry writing because it scares the shit out of me but I was inspired on the subway today and this is what happened...
red lipstick is my
pulsing red mouth
yearning,
demanding,
calling out,
connecting
 smeared on my lovers body,
on my coffee cup,
it makes its way under my nails

open mouthed
wild laughter
strong words of resistance
matching the chipped nail polish on my fingers
it is undone, 
unfurled,
un-ladylike, although once thought to be
not like this though

it gets everywhere
on soft cheeks and stiff collars 
on teeth, on my chin
I am everywhere whether you choose to see me or not
I am the stain on your freshly washed, white linen impression of what a woman should be
what's a lipstick lesbian?

"You're pretty for a lesbian", they say
"You're not like them",with disgust now
and I wonder if that's supposed to be some kind of backwards compliment
and I wonder how to tell you to "fuck off"


once I decided it was 'too bold' to wear red lipstick to a funeral
the truth is my dead uncle probably would have liked it