Day Ten

 

Today’s Mood:
Confident but a little in my head and slightly worried/annoyed that I am running out of things to wear/say




Today's Fantastic Femme Fashion:

• Perfect for babysitting skirt
• Cute fake gold bracelet
• Sweet blue and white t-shirt
• My favourite black cardigan
• Perfectly straightened hair- so smooth
• Comfy sneakers
  

How do I feel in this:
So comfortable. So femme. Kind of like a high school student in the eighties about to break into a choreographed dance number in the library. I really love my hair long. This is the first time I’ve had in long in years. It’s part of an effort to create my version of a queer femme hairstyle- a little dyke, a little hot femme, and a lot fantastic!

Some queer-ish, femme-ish things I did today:
Everything- because everything I do is impacted by my identity in some way shape or form. Whatever I do is done by me, Samantha, a whole complex person who is also queer and perhaps a femme, therby making anything I do queer and femme. (don’t worry I’m still keeping this section of the blog)

Femme-ish, queer-ish discoveries of the day:

•  Sometimes I just need to let go of the expectations I set for myself and my vision of what I think the outcome should be/look like and just listen to my inner femme, my wise woman and go with the flow a little more. Trying to force something to be that really isn’t working is not what I’m about right now. I am learning to be ok with the non-linear.

•  There is nothing better than a fresh coat of red nail polish. I used to feel guilty about painting my nails and worry that for sure I’d become invisible as a lesbian because of it- I now know that despite my concerns, there are many a painted-fingernail loving queer out there and I’m starting to think it doesn’t really matter who thinks I’m gay or hot anyway because, honestly, I’m turning myself on!
 

Today I didn’t think much about my femme costume/attire/performance. It has become second nature for me to spend a little extra time in the morning thinking about what I’m going to put on my body to reflect the way I feel and my experience of femme in that moment. I had a counseling appointment this morning, which helped me get through my (pms-induced) flood of emotions that left me feeling so unworthy and lost and unmotivated. I’m feeling much better and on track today and ready to continue on this journey. In the spirit of embracing the non-linear I’ll be posting the “days five through nine” compilation sometime soon amidst my daily reflections so keep on your toes and check back often.