Day One

The Look: 'ZineFest Chic


The Outfit: 

• $2 red and white earrings from the McClung Magazine booth (a feminist magazine based out of Ryerson University: www.mcclungs.ca)
• red lipstick in 'Russian red'
• red red nail polish that I got years ago from my roommate in Montreal
• grey polka dot sweater, stretchy stripe-y skirt, black leggings, comfy velcro sneakers all part of the Zoe Hayes collection
• clangy black and gold bangles
• (not shown) the 'i love my cunt' button I later bought from the chick at Riot Wife (http://riotwife.wordpress.com/) or possibly one of the booths beside her...hm...oh well, check her out anyway
  

 
How I feel in this: 

Kind of like Zoe, a crafty, kistchy femme. I love the way the bracelets jingle on my wrists and the way my nails look while holding a coffee cup. I am soooo comfy and half way through the day I decided that I absolutely NEEDED to be wearing red lipstick and made my way through the crowd of 'zinesters at CanZine to apply it--thank goddess for the sneakers. I feel fun and silly- like I could break into song and dance at any moment. I also feel like I could be an actor on a kids t.v. show or Cyndi Lauper.


The most femme thing I did today was...

talking about femme. all. day. long. to anyone that would listen. 


The most queer thing I did today was...

cried at an ani difranco song. for real.


 Day One Thoughts:

Beginnings 
 
Today I sat in a half-booth with my friend Zoe, eating the most delicious oatmeal pancake,  discussing activism and identity politics. For those who know me this isn't exactly unusual subject matter for me but I've been somewhat disconnected since taking an 'extended break' from the pursuit of my Master's degree in Women and Gender Studies in Halifax. Thank goddess for Zoe because she sure has a way of validating my ideas and making me think, not to mention her superb listening skills. Sometimes I can get a little...lets say...excited about things and this was no exception.  Maybe it was the two double Americanos, maybe it was the fact that I happened to be wearing all of her (femme-ish) clothes (since last nights Halloween costume was semi-inappropriate breakfast attire) or maybe I just needed to finally DO something after all the talking I've been doing about possible thesis options but as I looked down at my red painted finger nails and the bangles on my wrist I suddenly decided that it was time to  give myself permission to just go all out femme...for a month.


After trying to convince Zoe to join my campaign (she said she paint her nails in solidarity), I decided to embark on this journey to try and find out what femme means to me, how femme lives in me, and how I can exist as femme alongside the multitude of intersecting identities that I feel connected to at any given time.

Although I've always been relatively girlie, after I came out as a lesbian at nineteen something started happening to that side of me that loved to wear red lipstick and run around town in party dresses. I'm not sure if it was a consious decision on my part but if I'm pretty sure I felt like if was going to take the flack for being a dyke then I sure as hell wanted to be recognized as one. Eventually I became so sick of having to prove my gayness to everyone, especially the queer community, especially if I didn't have a butchier girlfriend to validate my lesbian existence, that I just gave in, cut off all my hair (in a cute pixie cut mind you...), and invested in some visibility in the form of plaid flannel. All of a sudden I got approached in bars, got the queer recognition nod from sisters in the street, and could stop having to out my self at every possible opportunity, because c'mon, have you seen my haircut?

Not to say that I never femmed-out in queer-ish spaces or that I never felt comfortable in jeans and a hoodie but I've always had that nagging need to be a part of community, to be accepted and recognized as a lesbian by other lesbians and I've always held tight to the markers that I knew would guarentee that recognition, markers that in most cases were masculinized. But what does it mean to queer femininity?

Today I feel ready to let go and let myself explore this question and play with gender/sexual identities in a way that I never have. I want to know what it means to connect these identities with what I see as my true self, my wise woman who is grounded and centered and secure. How can I be both grounded and constantly in flux? How can I reclaim femme in all its forms as a valid queer identity? And how can I meet my need for recognition, for community, for validation as femme?

I guess we'll find out, or at least come up with more questions, most likely the later.